Jul 02 2009
The Common Dolphin
The Common Dolphin
A mammal with questionable virtues Scientific Name: Delphinus delphis
Habitat: Costal waters
Status: Common (see above)
Hobbies: Debauchery, gambling, world languages
The common dolphin is a lot like the more familiar bottlenose dolphin, but without the high rates of alcoholism and suicide.* The common dolphin is also more colorful, with its tan sides, black or grey back, and white belly. Unlike Flipper, these guys don’t need a trainer to stay active; they swim through the world’s seas and have a lot of recreational sex (dolphins are one of only three other animals that have sex just for fun, can you guess the other two?) These progressives of the sea travel in family pods and communicate with each other with echolocation. As every fifth grader knows, dolphins are some of the most intelligent animals in the world, but they haven’t mastered walking yet. Their failure to thrive on land is ruining their attempts to take over all the earth’s regions and enslave humans for entertainment purposes. They may show progress within the next ten millions years though.
*Yes, dolphins can kill themselves.
